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A Rip in the Space-Time Continuum


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#1 Martin (The Man) Van Buren

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 12:21 AM

It seems a small hiccup in time and space has brought me, the eighth President of these United States, Martin Van Buren, to this strange place in this odd contraption called the Intrenette. I am slightly confused and a bit disoriented. Last I remember, I was sipping a fine wine with my wife Hannah, on the eve of the new year in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred fifty two.

But as it seems to be courtesy to share a bit of myself with you other strange beings of words (perhaps you have been transported here, too, against your knowledge?), I will do so:

I was born in Kinderhook in 1782, soon our fragile union of states won its independence from the vicious queen. My parents kept a tavern, where we also lived a moderate life, farming in the Hudson Valley.

I embarked on a legal career at 14 with an apprenticeship to a local attorney. In 1804, I joined his half-brother's law practice in their home town. In 1807, I married my beautiful sweetheart, Hannah Hoes.

My first appointed post, as a county official, set me on an upward course that led to the highest office in the state, and eventually, the nation.

Early 19th century politics was a whirlwind of boisterous characters and opposing interest groups where a new party system was taking shape. I artfully positioned myself in the eye of the storm, persistently advocating the principles of the Jeffersonian Republicans, namely states' rights, strict constitutional construction, and civil liberties.

My efforts, along with those of like-minded politicians brought about an alliance of the "planters of the South and the plain people of the North" to form the Democratic Party. During the administration of the new party's first president, the enormously popular Andrew Jackson, I served as Old Hickory's (or Old Hic, as I called him) top advisor.

I became the eighth President (and the first to be born under the US flag) I continued the the era of Jacksonian Democracy. Unfortunately, due to political strife beyond my control, I was not victorious in winning a second term in 1848. I then gave up the public life and began to live a peaceful existance in wonderful privacy.
"It affords me sincere pleasure to be able to apprise you of the entire removal of the Cherokee Nation of Indians to their new homes west of the Mississippi." - me!
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#2 Brian S

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 12:30 AM

View PostMartin (The Man) VanBuren, on Jan 1 2009, 12:21 AM, said:

In 1807, I married my beautiful sweetheart, Hannah Hoes.
Bros before Hoes?

#3 Martin (The Man) Van Buren

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 12:32 AM

It would behoove you to watch your words, text demon!
"It affords me sincere pleasure to be able to apprise you of the entire removal of the Cherokee Nation of Indians to their new homes west of the Mississippi." - me!
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#4 ashley

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 01:34 AM

fuck, i love you.

#5 Brian S

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 01:36 AM

I saw him first

#6 stretts

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 02:06 AM

lol so many awesome members lately

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Last.FM


#7 kyla

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 02:20 AM

i think Nostradamus predicted this.


#8 Obvious

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    OMG! Wat hav I dun?

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 04:27 AM

View PostMartin (The Man) VanBuren, on Jan 1 2009, 12:32 AM, said:

It would behoove you to watch your words, text demon!
A+
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#9 frankthetank

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 07:28 AM

Haha, this is fantastic stuff.

#10 OurSerratedDust

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 07:49 PM

Hahah. I hope this guy stays for a while.

#11 clarissa

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 07:59 PM

hi

#12 Zak

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 08:02 PM

Holy shit, I thought this would never happen! I finally get to meet my favorite president of all time! Can I have your autograph?

Also, how do you feel about what the United States has done since your tenure as president?
every day above ground is a good day
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#13 OurSerratedDust

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 08:18 PM

Ask the Van Buren.

#14 Martin (The Man) Van Buren

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 08:51 PM

View PostZak, on Jan 1 2009, 08:02 PM, said:

Holy shit, I thought this would never happen! I finally get to meet my favorite president of all time! Can I have your autograph?

Also, how do you feel about what the United States has done since your tenure as president?

I am not sure what you mean by this autograph, but I can assure you that I do not have one. If I did, I might be willing to give it to you, depending on what it is, that is. As for what these United States have done since my term, I am not sure. I have not quite read up on what has occurred in the twentieth century because I have been avidly reading about this strange happening called Star Wars.
"It affords me sincere pleasure to be able to apprise you of the entire removal of the Cherokee Nation of Indians to their new homes west of the Mississippi." - me!
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#15 Bohan

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:11 PM

HEY! YOU HAVE TO POST YOUR PICTURES OR ELSE YOU'RE NOT REAL!

Figured I would get it out of the way.

#16 ashley

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:13 PM

his avatar is his picture, duh.

#17 Bohan

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:14 PM

Touché

#18 tafka2112

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:26 PM

wait so this is how claudio stole the riff from the war of all against all.

these time traveling bastards.
This bag is full of big black dildos.

#19 ashley

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:28 PM

View Posttafka2112, on Jan 1 2009, 09:26 PM, said:

wait so this is how claudio stole the riff from the war of all against all.
shut. the fuck up.

#20 Martin (The Man) Van Buren

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:41 PM

View PostDollaBills, on Jan 1 2009, 09:11 PM, said:

HEY! YOU HAVE TO POST YOUR PICTURES OR ELSE YOU'RE NOT REAL!
Here are a few snaps through the ages:

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"It affords me sincere pleasure to be able to apprise you of the entire removal of the Cherokee Nation of Indians to their new homes west of the Mississippi." - me!
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